I loathe gimmicky, cheap marketing. Unfortunately, the dating industry is filled with false promises and quick fixes that pray on desperation. Why? Because it makes money and sells to a certain type of people.
When I became a dating coach I told myself I was going to take a different approach. I knew I had to learn marketing but I wanted to do it in a way that was respectable. I soon found myself devouring content from the growing school of “human marketing”.
Human marketing seeks to provide incredible value, care about others, and make meaningful connections. What’s amazing is how quickly I realized the parallels between this type of marketing and dating. The same principles that make many modern businesses thrive will ensure greater success with women.
“People don’t buy for logical reasons. They buy for emotional reasons.” – Zig Ziglar
Smart men often struggle with dating. They’re so used to solving problems analytically that they view their interactions as mathematical equations.
“What exact line do I say to get her attracted to me? What’s the formula that gets you laid? What’s the perfect order of steps? If I’m “nice” to her and do favors for her, then she’ll like me…right?”
It doesn’t work that way. You can’t simply tell her to like you, she has to feel that raw attraction in her heart and her lady parts. She has to associate you with positive, sexual emotions.
Be silly and make yourself laugh. Get fired up talking about your interests and stop babbling on about bullshit you don’t care about. It’s impossible to hold conversation when you’re not even invested in the subject matter. If you’re bored then she will be, too.
The same goes for getting turned on — she can’t feel sexual if you don’t. Look at her like the beautiful woman she is. Get intrigued by her personality and aroused by the way her lips move when she talks. Guys are doing a huge disservice to their confidence and their chances when they suppress their natural sexuality during interactions. You’ll need to touch and flirt with her, accept it!
So consider, how do you feel around her? And how does that, in turn, make her feel around you? Happy, passionate, and aroused? Or anxious, detached, and fake?
You can’t control her emotions. However, you can control how you feel. Take the lead and demonstrate those exciting emotions yourself, and she will follow. It’s human nature to mirror the people we spend time with. So every time you go out, make it your only goal to enjoy yourself — forget about the results and focus on your experience.
“I’m all for conversations. But you need to have a message.” – Renee Blodgett
Small talk is great and serves a purpose. But if you want to be more than just another random guy, you have to convey a deeper message. That message is intention. From the beginning, your actions should be saying “I’m interested in getting to know you, particularly for romantic reasons.
Guys try to play it as safe as possible and remove any personality they have. They’re afraid to lose a girl so they become this “one size fits all” man. Just like modern marketing, the businesses that succeed are polarizing, bold, and appeal to niche audiences. If you’re trying please everyone, you will inspire no one.
Let her see who you are. Speak with conviction. Have strong opinions. Ask her private questions you want to know and let her decide if she’s ready to tell you. Share your non-rehearsed stories and anecdotes. Encourage her to do the same. Screw surface level conversations, crack open the real her.
Always escalate the interaction forward personally, physically, sexually, and logistically. That’s how you create unforgettable connections.
“People share, read and generally engage more with any type of content when it’s surfaced through friends and people they know and trust.” – Malorie Lucich
Arguably, the highest chance of success with a new woman is when a friend of hers introduces you. We trust and care about our friend’s opinions. So if someone close to her says “you should meet this guy”, then you’re accepted by association. You’re coming into the interaction “warm” and just have to not mess it up.
So many guys spend their free time cold approaching women at bars. It works and I did it for years as well, but it’s not necessarily the most effective route. If you focus on new social ventures and making friends, you will meet tons of women in the process. It’s also a lot more fun because your primary goal is to have a good time instead of “I need to pickup women.”
Build an active, interesting lifestyle that satisfies you. Talk to everyone you meet and develop an engaging social circle. Having good company around you shows status and is irresistible to women.
“One way to sell a customer something in the future is simply to get his or her permission in advance.” – Seth Godin
Talk about your passions, ask about hers, and find commonalities. This will get her excited to have new experiences with you. It’s a lot easier for a girl to decide to hang out together when there’s a clear reason. She needs to justify it to herself and to her friends that she’s making a good choice.
When you’ve already talked about an awesome band, your dozens of sketchbooks, or the new burlesque show in the city, you’re painting a picture in her mind. It’s then a smooth transition to:
“I’d love to show you my sketches, come hang out for a little.” or “So, we’re definitely seeing the burlesque show on Thursday.” and then pull out your phone.
“Wanna hang out at my place?” or “Give me your number and we’ll meet up sometime.”
Which invitations are more enticing? Which ones make her feel comfortable? Which ones make it difficult for her to say no?
She’s not stupid, she knows what’s at stake. She just wants a reason to say yes. If you plant the seed of excitement early on, you won’t have to sell her on the idea of spending time together — she’ll sell herself.
“Our worst fears lie in anticipation.” – Don Draper / Honoré de Balzac
This can’t be repeated enough. Every fear you have with women is worse in your head than it ever will be in person. I’ve now seen it hundreds of times.
You’ll be terrified of approaching, sounding stupid, coming off creepy, or getting rejected. You’ll analyze every possible outcome. You’ll imagine all the horrific scenarios you’ll endure. Eventually, you’ll bite the bullet and put yourself out there expecting near-death experiences.
Then it happens. Some girl isn’t receptive to your approach. You have a moment of awkward silence. A woman turns down your request for a number. Your fears are materializing right in front of your eyes.
You walk away feeling slightly defeated. But quickly enough those emotions change and the epiphany hits you: “Holy shit, I did it! That wasn’t nearly as bad as I expected. I survived the fallout and you know what? I’m so damn happy I did that. I know I can do it again.”
Confidence comes after action, not before it. I’ve never met a man who successfully overcame his anxieties with women by sitting around thinking about them. In fact, I’ve only seen the fears grow and gain more control.
You need to prove to your brain that you can handle whatever comes at you. You need to internalize that it’s not going to crush you. You need to accept that some girls won’t be into you but plenty will be. Go find your target audience.
I’ll teach you how to market yourself to quality women. Let’s have a free consultation.