Note: There is a much updated and expanded version of this on my free eBook “The Gentleman’s Guide to Texting Women”.
Like it or not, texting is here to stay. As part of the dating process, you’re responsible for keeping in touch with her and making things interesting. Thankfully, this works in your favor.
Texting allows you to come up with witty and enticing responses from a comfortable location. It’s easy enough to master and with some basic guidelines, you should be a pro in no time. Here are some simple points to remember when texting a girl you’re interested in.
Avoid improper grammar
Well-written text messages make you look mature and intelligent. Sloppiness is not only a turn-off but also a potential deal breaker. Some shortcuts like “np at all” are okay but “kk can’t wait 2 c u 2nite” is excessive. Double-check your spelling, grammar, and auto correct before you press send.
Use emoticons wisely
A smile or wink is great for adding emphasis or being flirtatious. However, using them in every other sentence can be overkill and distracting from what you’re trying to say. Sticking to no more than one emoticon per message is usually a good idea.
Don’t flood her with texts
Replying with three texts for every one she sends shows you’re too eager and too invested. You shouldn’t over-think it but go easy and feel out the pace of the conversation. If she takes an hour to respond, just give it a few minutes before messaging her back.
Text at reasonable times
Unless she’s working the graveyard shift, texting her randomly at four in the morning won’t look good. I’m positive whatever you have to say can wait until the next day. Also, if you’ve had a heavy night of drinking, be cautious of what you’re writing.
Use more statements
How do you talk with your friends? You probably shoot the shit and ask the occasional question. Use this as a reference point for your natural style and add a dash of spice when talking to her. Bombarding her with questions will make it feel like an interrogation.
Keep things light
A girl loves to see her phone buzz and read a text from you that’s cute, intriguing, and makes her laugh. Don’t get too personal over text – it isn’t worth it and should be saved for in-person or phone conversations. Tell her about your funny train ride home and not your life story.
Start flirting with her
Short, sweet, and your opportunity to shine, flirtatious texts are a great way to generate sparks. Trust and comfort have to build over time, but light and teasing messages will keep her on her toes until then. Make fun of her for watching Dancing With the Stars or even playfully accuse her of seducing you.
Set up a date
Texting is a low-pressure way to setup a date. When she’s responding well, suggest an activity that you can do together. Try something like, “Hey I’m going to X on Thursday, you should come along – it’ll be awesome 
” It’s casual and she’s more likely to say yes.
Now that you’ve read my ideas, I’d love to see some of yours. What are some texting tips that have worked for you?
Dear Nick,
There’s this girl I like and just met her. She was only in town for the weekend and we hung out on Friday. I stupidly assumed she was leaving early on Sunday morning and sent her a text at about 8am. She didn’t seem upset about it and we did manage to have a nice back-and-forth later in the afternoon where I found out she was actually leaving early Monday morning. I jokingly told her I would “harass” her before she left (aka wish her a safe drive back home). Is there anyway I can try to apologize for texting her so early the first time? Should I still text her Monday morning like I said I would? Help! I’m still trying to get better at boldly flirting with girls. By the way, thank you for your awesome articles and tips!
No need to apologize for texting early. You wanted to talk to her and you did, nothing wrong with that. Plus, she responded positively so it sounds like she wanted to hear from you, too.
You can definitely text on Monday, why not? My main advice would be to stop texting simply to chat. Instead, start texting to get girls out. If she was staying until Monday, I would’ve pushed to see her when you were chatting on Sunday morning.
You’re very welcome!
Nick,
Been talking to this girl for about a month who got out of a bad relationship not too long ago. we hung out all break. she told me she likes me but wants to take it real slow because she does not want to make the same mistake. texting has been fine. we text everyday. at first it started off her calling me and texting me first everyday. I recently moved back to my apt. which is an hour away and we both are busy with school. texting has been a tad bit slower or later. recently she called me telling me that she is going to hang out with an old guy friend she has not seen forever and get a drink or two but not get drunk. i told her to call me on her way home to make sure she is safe and she said she will.. that night. she drunk texted me hello. i said whats up and hope she gets home safe.. she responded “i’m no” and i sent her a text “umm ok well i hope you’ll be taken care of tonight.sent her another text “you probably won’t remember but where every ur statin at just let me know you got there”. she did not text me for a half hour and my apt. has awful service and there has been a issue once where calls didn’t go through. so i sent her another text telling her about the bad service in my room and told her to be safe and apologize if i’m sounding like a dad, just want to make sure she gets home safe. She has not texted me back the next day which is today for me. is she losing interest? was I doing too much there.
There isn’t much to go off here but why are you acting like her father or friend? Being timid, texting for weeks or months with no plans, giving her advice with another guy she’s getting drunk with, and repeatedly texting her is not attractive. Telling her “I hope you’re taken care of” by another man is needy. She’s not going to feel romantic or sexual with you acting like that.
You should have been playfully flirting and trying to get her out ASAP. If you read my updated texting guide, the #1 rule of texting is to setup plans — that’s it. Girls get bored and frustrated if you talk for extended periods of time without moving forward.
I would send her a message in a day or so being forward about hanging out. If she doesn’t make time or plans for you, move on to the next girl. Take it as a learning experience and start being more forward and assertive with women.
Hey i read your tips and thought of asking some help from you.
Here is a girl i meet in college its been some months knowing her.
Before i was told by her friends that she likes me and now i too like her but she seem not much interested in me this days. Please help what i should do.
Have you asked her to hang with you yet? Invite her out and be forward with your intentions. If she likes you, she’ll reciprocate those feelings. If she doesn’t, she won’t come out or she’ll tell you how she feels when you make a move. Action always gets you the truth.
was hoping for your advice on this 1. I can sometimes get numbers okay when I go out, but the follow up is terrible. If you just meet a girl at a bar how long do you wait to call her and what are some good examples of a first text? Or do you skip the texting and go straight for the call?I saw you said use the text as a tool to get her out not to chat… about how many texts into the convo,or what milestone to reach before you start trying to arrange a meeting?
I cover timeframes and supply examples in my texting guide. I always text within 24 hours of getting her number. If I’m interested, I’m not going to dance around my intentions. Just tell her you had a good time meeting her or reference something funny from your conversation.
Texting or calling is up to you and how you feel comfortable. I like to call because I feel comfortable on the phone and can really build a connection. Other guys do extremely well with only texting and getting girls on dates. It’s personal preference.
Again, there’s no set number but within 3-5 texts back and forth I suggest a meeting. My time is valuable and I want to find out if she’s interested sooner than later.
Hope that helps!
Hi nick, i got to know this girl when i was in my previous company and while i was interested in knowing more about her, i was about to quit and she was taking over my duties so i did not feel it was appropriate and i left it at that.
But a few months after i left, i started Texting her and we started to chat more and more. Her response has been pretty ok (most of the time she only takes a few minutes to reply and the replies are quite long), she asks a lot of questions about me (my likes and dislikes) and seems generally interested to keep the conversation going. She has also initiated conversations a few times.
From what i observed while i was still in the company, she does not appear to be such a friendly person in public.
So after a few weeks of chatting and after she ask me about what type of movies i liked and me asking her back(she said she is ok with any type of movie), i decided to ask her out for a movie.
To be honest i was quite hopeful but to my surprise she said it was not a movie she is interested in watching and when i suggested another movie, she said she was busy with work and could not spare time to come out.
Although i do know that she is a bit of a workaholic ( eg. working at home on holidays), i am still skeptical on whether it is her subtle way to telling me that she is just trying to be friends and want me to leave it at that.
So is she playing hard to get or just not interested at taking another step forward?
Not interested, bro. I’m. Sorry, but no girl says no when you ask them out to play hard to get. This may be hard, but the only thing you can do is move on and find another girl.
Jon
Hey, I met this girl at the shops about a week ago, I think she was teasing me and my mate there because they were talking about ‘G Stings’ loudly, knowing we were there, I already knew her friend, Grace and that night I asked grace for her friends number she said that one of her friends didn’t mind if I had it, so she gave it to me. After she asked me which one i was she said ‘oh the hot one’ . I’ve talked to her a few times at school and we text a bit, but I don’t know if she is interested, she sends me a few winky faces etc thanks
Push it forward. If you want to see if a girl is interested, ask her to hang out rather than endlessly texting. Next time she responds invite her to do something, “I’m grabbing a drink/coffee/going to museum/whatever on Wednesday, come join me.”
If she’s interested, she’ll say yes or make plans for a better time. If she’s not, she’ll turn down the offer.
[...] language, and making your woman feel sexy. Nick also goes in-depth on more modern subjects like “8 Basic Rules for Texting a Girl You Like”, where he explains the importance of re-reading your texts before sending them, and how to use [...]
Hey Nick,
So I’m obviously a female but I could still use your help. I have a great boyfriend, and we never run out of things to talk about during face-to-face conversations or phone conversations. But sadly, texting is another story. I’ll text him a paragraph and he’ll respond with ‘k’ or I’ll ask him a question and he’ll give me a one word answer. I don’t know how to politely tell him that he’s crap at texting or simply make him respond better.
Of course, I do take into consideration that he might be busy sometimes or that he may not want to talk but to do this all the time simply makes things awkward. I don’t know what to do so when I came across your website for helping guys date
The first step is to communicate openly about this with him. Sit him down and calmly express what you’re feeling. Give him a chance to explain his side of things.
He may not know that it’s bothering you or an issue and will gladly work on it. I also know some men who just absolutely hate texting and it has nothing to do with the other party. Either way, give him the benefit of the doubt and talk it through.
Hey nick, a girl that texts me every single day, it used to be even on who starts the conversations, but now I find it that I’m starting most of them, but she still starts a couple. We live far away and only get to see each other on weekends because of a youth group, and she’s extremely shy if that helps; I’ve asked her to Skype multiple times but she claimed she was too busy. She used to say bye, or goodnight, but now she just stops texting. Any idea how I can get her to not randomly stop texting? Thanks
You’re texting too much and not having enough action. Girls will only stay interested for a while before they get frustrated or bored. She doesn’t want to keep texting you for days on end. She wants to hang out, see where it’s going, and have a real connection.
Next time you hang out, start flirting with her. Be playful, tease her, get a little physical, and create some romantic attraction. Invite her in person to do something together, either after youth group or on a different day.
Overall, less texting and more pushing forward when you’re together in person.
Hey,
I told myself I would never date a girl from my hs when i got to college, so most of them i haven’t shown much interest in, even if they where the knockout of the school. But a girl from my hs has came back up on my radar. So basically i am attempting to ask you how do i spark conversation w/ this girl, and rise up out of the “friend zone?”
Are you even in the friend zone with her? You might not be if you just started talking.
Treat her like a girl you’re interested in, not as a friend. Don’t just message her endlessly or hang out without trying to push things forward. Women want a man who can lead and go after what he wants in life. Flirt with her often, don’t be afraid to touch her, and get her to chill one-on-one. Escalate it until you go for a kiss.
Also, read the Flirting and Sexual sections on my Dating 101 page.
There’s this girl I’m talking to I walk he to class everday carry her bag nd open the door for her what else should I do? I texted her but we only sent 11 txt messages I’m not good with conversatins what should I do?
Invite her to hang out with you one-on-one. Flirt, get physical, escalate. Read my similar responses above.
Hey I just asked a girl to junior prom. she said that she would think about it. she texted me that night to talk but still didn’t give me an answer. She still said she was thinking about it in school today. Should I text her or what should I do? Any advice would be a help.
Don’t do anything right now. If she’s interested, she’ll say yes and let you know. Instead, start talking to other girls and expand your options. Don’t just focus on her.
Hey Nick
There is this girl who I have know for three years. I started to text her a week ago. We started to text each other since then almost everyday, she keeps texting me everyday . She wanting to know about my personal life, like she asks am I single ?, who I have crush on etc. She keeps using these emoticons and wants to know what I did everyday
Is she in love with me ?
No idea if she’s in love with you, but she sounds interested. Next time you text, invite her to do something together. If you need some suggestions, check out my how to plan a first date article below:
http://www.thedatingspecialist.com/blog/how-to-plan-a-first-date/
You’re not going to hook up with her over text.
Nick,
I’ve talked to this girl a few times, but not so much last year, in a class we had together. Just recently I grew some balls and asked her on a coffee date. She didn’t hesitate and answered right away with Yeah. I mean my approach was awkwardly cute and subtle. People have told me that about it as a positive thing with the two things in her mind: 1. She found me cute and decided to give me a chance; 2. She’s thought about it before.
What I’ve noticed the only person from our class last year that she would even remotely say hi to would be me. So It leaves me with questions. I texted her the following day after getting her number. It went all right. I may have talked a bit about myself a tad, but not a lot. I showed interest in her. Today I texted her (friday) because she was feeling nervous about a test the previous day. I told her to not stress it and hope she passed. Showing her that I care. She then told me, when I asked “so what you up to,” that she was shopping with some friends. I said sounded fun and then I said goodbye because I didn’t want to keep her from her friends. I was being polite. I didn’t know if it was the right thing or not.
I want to text her on monday to show less importance in her. Make her seem like I care but not to the max. My friends say I should wait till I see her again to talk to her. But then again since we don’t have class together this semester It’s hard to see her. I see her at times but those are rare. When I do I say hi or whatever. We have class at the same time on the same floor sometimes but don’t know if I should try to coincidentally bump into her or not. It depends. I’m not a great texter so I’m conflicted.
How should I approach the situation?
You asked her out on a date and she said yes with excitement. Then you proceeded to text her about other things multiple times. See the problem here?
Your first texts should have been setting up the date. She already agreed to hanging out, why backpedal?
I’d text her now, get a response, and then say something like, “So how about that coffee tomorrow?”
That’s what I did prior when I got her number. I asked about it but she was heading to jersey. Now the problem is I was told to
Stop texting her and to talk to her in person instead. My friend kept telling to just text her and figure something out. But as of now I’m gonna ask for that coffee on Monday or Tuesday before spring break.
Hey Nick, very interesting and informative article, but I’m having a dew issues myself.
I’ve known my crush for 2,5 years now. We first met in France during the summer. We flirted a lot back then and ended up making out and holding hands one night at a party. Last summer was pretty much the same, but this time no kissing or holding hands, because we were both in relationships. However I did lay my head on her stomach as she ran her fingers through my hair.
Any enough about the things we do in person. When it comes to Facebook messaging it’s slightly different. About 3 months ago when we started message she seemed to be enjoying it. Then it jumped to the “I miss you so much”, “I really like you”, “i wish you were here with me” parts. She sent me a few messages confessing she has feelings for me, and so have I. The last message she sent me that made my heart jolt was “[...] I want to simplify this because I care for you and want to see you.” Simplify what? you may ask … She lives in Paris and I live in London, it’s about long distance.
So what can you judge from this? Is there any chance of us being together? Is she even still interested? What should I be texting her? and how often?
I can’t judge anything absolute, you’ll have to figure that out. But, it sounds like she is definitely interested in you and wanted to create something more. Maybe get off Facebook and move it to a real phone or Skype conversation. Then…
I would be forward with her. “I like you too, so what should we do about it?” See what she says. She’s likely either looking for a long-distance relationship or for one of you to move closer. It depends on what you want as well and if either of those are viable options for you.
hey man, just a question. I met a cutie at the gym and was able to grab her number off her. I texted her later, and we had a good convo all day, we were both flirtatious and informative, I was asking questions, and she was too. but we fell asleep I guess around 3. the only thing is, is that the next day, I text her saying “hey, how’s it going?:)” and she hasn’t replied a day later. so im kind of confused. it seemed to be going pretty good, and I was about to set up the convo that day for meeting up. we are both about 18-19. she also takes a while to reply sometimes making me thing she does It intentionally. Could you let me know what it most likely means, and where I should do next?
cheers,
ciaran
Hey Nick
So there’s this girl I’ve been textin for about a month or a month in a half and I’ve grown to like her. She has told me that she likes me but she just had a boyfriend cheat on her and a family member get cancer. When we text she starts actin confused or not interested in talkin. I wanna ask her out but idk if I should or if its the right time.
Plz help
Hey Daniel,
Those things very well could have happened to her or they could be excuses for her not wanting to hang out. I would assume she’s being honest with you.
That said, the only way to find out is to push for a one-on-one. Take the shot and see how she responds. If she’s interested, you’ll meet up and if she’s not, you won’t. Keep it simple!
Nick,
I met a girl about a month and a half ago and we talk a little while at the bar during our first encounter(because she had a bf at that time). Last week I ran into her again at the bar. At first I just saw her across the bar and she winked at me and I winked back and didn’t think anything of it. Then, she came up to me and we talked for about an hour straight about how she is single now and how she thinks I’m really cute and i dress very well, so I took the initiative to get her number. I texted her not the next day but the day after that, and we talked for a good half of the day but then she stopped texting in the middle of the conversation. So I didn’t text back and waited and waited then finally 3 days later she texted me say “hey what are you up to tonight” after not having talked for 3 days and not reasoning to my text that one day, kinda like nothing happened ha Idk if I should not respond and wait for her to text me again or just cave in and respond. I’m not good at the whole hard to get thing haha is this just her playing hard to get or what do you think.
Thanks!
She’s clearly interested. She winked at you, came over to hit on you, and texted you to hang out. Don’t wait or play games or you’ll lose your chance — invite her out already!
Nick,
Hoping for a little help here. I keep having a problem it seems with girls. I can talk to them, meet them online, get them to go out with me a time or two, but then its like they just lose interest? I am 26 yo and havent had a girlfriend yet, so maybe that is subconciously affecting me? Anyway any tips?
It seems that after 3 dates or so with the same girl I run out of things to talk about? Any advice you could give would be appreciated….Thanks in advance!!
Hey Adam,
If you’re meeting girls online, having multiple dates, and then they lose interest — you’re probably not creating a strong enough sexual connection. Are you pushing things forward and escalating the situation? Are you having physical contact? Have you gone for a kiss?
Hi nick
a girl and me where messaging when I asked her how she was.she said she was.good in capitals-she then said just keep and that was it-does this mean somethimgi?
Not sure, one word is pretty vague to go off. Why not ask her out and see if she wants to invest time in you?
Hey nick
I really like this one girl I met in class. We hit it off and I got her to laugh the whole time. But the thing about me is I’m never tounge tied when talking to girls but when I text I often have no clue what to say or how to answer he questions or statments without sounding like im just giving here the average mumbo jumbo. Please help me
It sounds like she enjoys your company, just invite her out already. Too many guys try to come up with cool texts when you should be pushing forward to hang out. If she’s interested, she’ll say yes.
Hi Nick, there was this fellow intern i’ve always wanted to get to know better but we had too little time before she had to leave. So now we’re just acquaintances and i have no idea what reason i can use to strike a text conversation with her. I didnt get to talk to her that much and i,m afraid that it’ll be weird that i try to talk to her now. What can i do?
You don’t need a reason to text her, just text her. “What’s up, how’s things been?”
Get a response, message her back a couple times, and invite her out. “We should catch up, come grab a drink with me Thursday.” If you don’t do drinks, suggest anything else that interests you or take an idea from here:
http://www.thedatingspecialist.com/blog/how-to-plan-a-first-date/
great artice on texting! It think its a good ideas to keep your texts short but at the same time whitty and compelling…also you don’t want to be responding to all of her messages, it’s good to get her thinking why you haven’t responded to her messages, as she wil be wondering what you are doing and when you will text her again. Mystery is an attractive quality!:)
Agreed that witty and compelling are nice to haves — but not absolutes. When a guy is inexperienced, it’s often best to keep it simple and push to meet in person. If she was interested when you met, she’s going to want to hang out.
As for not purposely responding to her messages, I disagree. There are plenty of ways you can show value (humor, pushing for a date, flirting, lifestyle) without needing to play games. The exception is when you’re ending a discussion, you don’t necessarily need to reply from your side.
Hello Nick, I’ve a question and I hope you can help me out.
I met this girl last week and we’ve been texting each other every day since. So two days ago, I asked her on a date and we’re meeting each other on Friday. At least, I hope she doesn’t flake. My question is, do I need to keep in touch with her and if so, what’s the best way to keep her interested without being too cheesy (or pushy, or anything else)?
I always recommend messaging the day before the date or early the day of. This way you know if she’s still meeting up. You can…
Text her like you normally have been. After a couple messages, finish with something like “Excited for tomorrow, see you then.” She’ll respond positively or let you know it’s not on.
Or you can message playfully like, “Hope the anticipation for our awesome adventure isn’t killing you yet =P” A little bit of purposeful cheesiness is good.
Hey nick, I recently met this girl while I was visiting a friend of mine at his college. Everything went extremely well. She grabbed my hand, laughed at my jokes, we engaged in really interesting conversation and she was displaying multiple signs of affection. At the end of the night she kissed me on the cheek, gave me a hug and her number. Now we both attend different colleges that are pretty far apart, so seeing this girl within the next few weeks is pretty much impossible. My first question is, should I read into the kiss any further by asking her if there were any implications attached to it. My second question is should I be attempting to generate interest over the long period of time during which we won’t be physically seeing each other and if so, what is the best way of doing that?
Thank you
Hello Nick,
About a week ago at my college orientation, I met a girl for the very first time who is starting in the fall just like me and goes to a high school about 20 minutes from me. We are both going out of state. Now, I met her at one of the sessions, and the next day I got to speak with her again and her parents for about 15 minutes before signing out. The next evening once I had returned home, I messaged her on Facebook. We talked for about an hour and a half and I told her to text me sometime and gave her my number. She responded with an Alrighty! Talk to you later. The conversation went really well and I had thought I was getting somewhere. Well, it has been a few days later and no text and I had even tried to message her back two days later after we had talked with a, Hey! How’s it goin? and received no response. I am really starting to like her and would like to get to know her before we head down. I am afraid to message back because I am afraid I would be bothering her and I don’t want to screw anything up. Would you suggest I try to take this slowly or try to go right after her? I was even thinking about possibly asking her to a ball game or a movie, but like I said I feel like I am rushing it. Please if you have any advice, it would be really helpful.
Thank you for your time.
Hi Nick,
I went away for this residential week away and met this girl. Ever since I returned home I have texted her everyday and arranged to meet up for a meal. I thought we had a great day and everything went fine. She texted me at first a little bit but hasn’t texted me since. What the problem?
Thanks
Hey I lm in a pickle I was hanging out with this girl we hooked up a couple times but we never got serious, I went away to school and dated another girl who we broke up about a year ago now I’m talking to the first girl again and I’m getting interested in her again but she sends me mix signals via text saying that she wants to hang out with me but when the opportunity happens somthing gets in the way either with me or her. We flirt sometimes when we text. Is she just being nice or does it seem like she wants somthing more
Hey Nick, man I just love these tips you’re so awesome man!
Hey I need some help with this, well basically I’m 17 nnd the girl is 16 and while I was at an event I met this girl just perfect ^-^ we’ve been tlking for 7-8 daya now and we have almost everything in common! She told me to call her Di instead of Diana, she told me about her problems and I cheered her up!
Would their be any tips you’d give me for example to make our bond stronger or anything? Thanks a lot
dear nick
How are you?
I told the girl that i like that i trully love her, but she said that this is not the right time to get closer because of the high school exams, and these emotions should be at the university, so, should i wait for her or what?
And also she seems to avoid me at school, and she tries not to look at me, but i saw her looking at me before and i smiled to her, but when i text her, she seems to be very enthusiastic about the text, and she answers in full details, but when it comes to the real conversations, i am afraid to talk to her to tell me something that i don’t want to hear, so wat should i do, should i text her every day?
Or ahould i try to talk to her personally
Thank you nick
Hey Nick,
So I met a girl who works at a local spot of mine, spoke a few times and got her number. I texted her and asked her out a couple days later and got the busy response. It was quick and short. I asked, she said busy, and then I ok next time (3 total texts, 1 from her). How long should wait to ask again, or should just move on? We haven’t had any other communication since, about 4 days.
thanks!
Nick,
I just met a girl and I’m really interested. We exchanged numbers and have been texting for the last couple of days, should I keep texting or should I try to set up a date/try to meet her? Don’t want to seem to eager, and if I keep texting what should I talk about?
Hey, it has been 4 days that we had a great chat on facebook, and eventually she gave her number to me. We started texting each other, and she seemed to be enjoying the convo that lasted for the next 2 days, but since then she hasnt shown warmth at all. Each time i initiated, but without a good response, and sometimes she replies after an hour or two. I am really interested in her and want to hang out with her. What should i do now? Should i avoid her for a while, and wait for her to take the next step, or keep on texting? I dont want to make a mess.
Hey nick,
There’s this girl that’s on my track team she’s always flirting with me and she’s always cuddling up on me before and after practice.
She gave me her number today, I don’t want to mess this up because I’ve got feelings for her so I need you advice for what I should text her because I’m a horrible texter