How to Convey Your Sexual Side from the Start

October 14th, 2011 by Nick Notas 2 Comments

Hank Moody Californication

Sex is an integral part of any healthy relationship. I find a sexual connection to be just as important as its mental and emotional counterparts. As I’ve said before, what separates a friend from something more? Physical intimacy.

Early on, I realized the significance of setting a strong sexual precedent. If you want lots of amazing sex with the girls you’re dating (and I hope you do), you’ve got to make it clear right off the bat.

There’s a saying in sales about price: “Start high. You can always go down, but you can’t go back up.” It’s the same when it comes to sex in dating. If you hold back on showing her your sexuality, you’re going to have a hard time trying to encourage more frequent sex later on. You want her to know that great sex is something you value deeply.

When I say that you value sex, it’s not just about getting laid. The first few months together are where you determine your sexual compatibility. Do you enjoy each other in bed? Are your sex drives similar? Are you willing to experiment and try new things? And so on.

You shouldn’t wait to figure these things out. It’s much better to know whether you click or not before getting too serious. For a relationship to thrive sexually, both parties need to be on the same level, or else someone always ends up unfulfilled. If you want sex every other day but she only wants it once a week, you probably won’t be too happy.

So how do you communicate your sexuality and expectations?

When I first meet a girl, whether it’s at a bar, party, or through a friend – I touch her. I introduce with a handshake, tease her about her laugh, playfully push her shoulder, and lead her by the hand to grab a drink. I sit next to her with our thighs touching, put my hand on her leg, and play footsie.

On the dance floor, I’m not afraid to look in her eyes, pull her against my body, and grind together. I’ll lean into her ear and whisper how sexy she is in her dress. When the sexual tension is heating up, I’ll move in to kiss her, only to pull back and leave her wanting more.

I don’t ever hesitate to let her know that I’m a sexual man. After we’ve spoken for a few minutes, I’ve been known to lead the topic into sexual avenues and ask spicy questions like: “Do you consider yourself a sexual person?”, “Where’s the craziest place you’ve had sex?”, and “What secretly turns you on?”

On initial dates, I hug her right away and tell her how good she looks. I walk with her hand-in-hand and keep physical contact throughout our adventure. While talking, I’ll spontaneously kiss her to let her know how much I’m into her. It gets a woman hot to know the man she likes finds her irresistible.

All these points clearly radiate my sexual energy without having to say it outright. She not only knows it, but it gets her excited and desiring it, too. You’re demonstrating your values honestly and she knows what she’s getting into – there’s no miscommunication.

That’s just the beginning and it doesn’t end there. Once you’re dating a girl, you’ve got to keep up your sexual presence. Be creative and make it fun for her. Get her thinking hot thoughts about you when you’re apart. Change things up and be spur-of-the-moment. If she can’t get you out of her head, she’ll naturally want to have more sex with you.

It’s your responsibility to set the bar high to get the sex life you want. Don’t be shy about your desires and cue her in from the start. It’ll surprise you how many girls want the same thing you do.

  1. Jake on October 28, 2013

    The tricky question goes is, how do you escalate to sexual talk? What if you’re like me and don’t really have a sexual background? I don’t have a problem with light flirting, kino, and normal conversation, but that doesn’t make me seen as a good sexual person….