We spend so much time planning for the perfect date and with good reason. We think about what to wear, where to go, and what to do. But how often do you think about where the date will end up?
Here’s something that we frequently miss: a girl isn’t likely to hook up with you in public. Yeah, you can kiss her anywhere, but eventually that smoochin’ session needs to move somewhere more personal. The lack of a game plan can cause an incredible night to end with a disappointing goodbye.
Figuring out post-date logistics isn’t as simple as choosing your house or hers. You need to build her trust and get her comfortable with the potential of something happening from the first moment.
Decide on the date location
Preferably, you want to have your date in a location that’s close and easily accessible to one of your houses. If you live alone or have privacy, your spot is usually the best bet. You have the opportunity to showcase your interests (music, movies, hobbies, etc) and have control over your environment (roommates, distractions, etc).
If you don’t have your own place or your house isn’t an option, find somewhere near her. Try to learn beforehand if she lives alone or with other people. She’s much more likely to go back to her place if it’s only her she has to worry about.
Determine whose house is most available and pick your date spot depending on that.
Decide where to meet
Selecting a place to meet is more important than you think: starting off at the actual date location doesn’t work to your advantage. Always try to begin the night at one of your homes, depending on the venue you’re going to.
Why? Again, it’s about building trust. If she’s never seen your place, it’s intimidating to make the trip there at the end of the night. Vice versa, if you haven’t seen hers, then she gets flustered about it. “What is he going to think? Is it too messy? Is he going to be freaked out by my stuffed animal collection?” These concerns are often enough to cut a night short, even if she wants it to continue.
If she meets at your place:
Tell her to come in quickly while you finish getting ready. Or that you want to show her this beautiful painting your friend made. Whatever it is, it should be legitimate and brief. You can reassure her by letting her know it’ll only be a minute and then you guys can head out.
If you meet at her place:
Ask if you can grab a glass of water before you leave. Or if you need to use the bathroom, ask if you can freshen up. Always make sure to genuinely compliment some things in her home. Most women take pride in how their house looks.
That’s it. Once you’ve already been in each other’s places, you’re much more comfortable to go back again. It’s familiar territory at that point.
Note: For the rare chance that she makes a move or things get heavy, feel free to stay and continue. I definitely wouldn’t try for anything outright, but if it happens, go with it.
During the date
I wrote this article with the idea that you’ve already had a first date and probably kissed. It’s tough to say, “Hey, want to come back to my place?” when you haven’t even broken the romantic barrier. Follow the guidelines from my “How to Kiss on a First Date” article.
Have fun together and remember to get physical contact in – it’s a date, damnit! She needs to be comfortable and turned on from your casual touches before anything more personal can happen. This is critical.
On the date, you should be sharing your passions and interests with her. You want her to be excited to see the photos you took on your semester abroad, watch an episode of Planet Earth on your big screen, or listen to that indie band you raved about. At the same time, learn about the accomplishments, passions, and possessions that she’s proud of. This way, you both have a reason to go back to her place later (if that’s most convenient).
When the date is heading towards the home stretch, make a move and ask her to keep hanging out. Here’s where things get interesting.
You could just say “Hey, want to come back to my place and hang out?” It can work, but it’s not always your best option.
The truth is, even when a girl wants to hook up, she doesn’t to want it to be the only reason you two are still hanging out. Girl’s get self-conscious, nervous, and often will try to talk themselves out of it. They want to be able to tell themselves and their friends that you guys went to watch some YouTube videos and it “just happened.”
She’s not oblivious: she knows what going to your or her house means. But, you should give her a valid reason why you want to keep spending time with her. It can be anything really, as long as it’s genuine. Some examples:
- “This is a great night, do you want to come chill and watch an episode of True Blood?” (No girl says no to vampires.)
- “Hey, my place is only a few blocks away, I’m really excited to show you the new Of Montreal album!”
- “I’d love to see your artwork, you still down to hang for a bit?”
- “I’m having a lot of fun, I don’t want this to end yet.” (Simple and honest. Your reason is you like being with her.)
Ending the night
So now she agreed to go back and continue the night with you. Do you jump her bones the second you walk in the door? No! Do you want her to lose trust in you? You offered her a reason to come up, so stay true to your word.
Whatever that thing was, that’s how you start. Turn on your music, put on Netflix, and offer her a drink. Sit next to her and enjoy letting her be a part of your world for a few minutes. If you’re at her place, be legitimately enthusiastic to what she’s showing you. There’s no rush, a man who has self-control is very attractive.
From there, lead it forward naturally one step at a time. Put your leg against hers and push gently. Place your hand on her thigh and softly caress it. Kiss her (bare) shoulder and neck. Tease her all over and build her desire for you. Proceed to make out and so forth.
Make it all about her and take it slow. Respect her boundaries and if she’s truly not ready to go all the way yet, don’t sweat it. She’ll trust you more for understanding.
Your focus is to show her an awesome experience and have her feeling amazing. Once you do that, everything else falls into place. Keep escalating the situation and see where the night takes you
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