Last week, I released my second free eBook and I’m pleased to announce it’s overwhelming success. With over 3,300 downloads, I want to personally thank everyone who checked it out and for all the kind words I received.
A inquiry that kept coming up was: “This is amazing, but what do I say after I make an introduction? How do I transition into a full-blown conversation?”
First, stop thinking that you need a special or “exciting” line to break into conversation. You can literally say anything. It’s just a stepping stone leading the interaction forward. The actual substance is what comes after.
One caveat: If you approach a woman during your daily outing (at a shop, bookstore), and are direct with your intentions (“I thought you were cute”, “I had to come meet you”), always introduce yourself (or ask her name) right after the delivery. If you wait she’s going to feel awkward and give an excuse for why she has to leave.
Most women have never been successfully approached like that and it’s very powerful. You need to cut the tension early on. This shows you’re a real person, that you have nothing to hide, and makes her feel comfortable interacting with you.
So after your first words, there are numerous ways to bridge the gap between small talk and deeper conversation…
Ask a general question
Straightforward and simple. Ask her a question and listen carefully. Then you can make a statement relating back and build a conversation from there. Just don’t hammer her repeatedly with questions, let it take it’s natural course.
- “What brings you to Newbury Street on this gorgeous day?”
- “What are you guys celebrating tonight?”
- “So, where are you from?” (during the day)
- “How do you all know each other?” (if she’s with people, it also helps determine the relationships between them)
Make an observation about her or your surroundings:
Pay attention to details. What’s the venue like? What is she wearing? What is she doing? Is there a funny song playing? Is there something interesting occurring near you? Be authentic and spontaneous.
- “OMG, you’re so blushing right now – that’s adorable!”
- “What did you end up getting?” (if she’s carrying shopping bags)
- “You ever realize how perfect this spot is to people-watch?”
Cold read something from her
Give her a cold read. It’s an educated guess about her based on any details you may notice. It is similar to making an observation except you are stating your assumption to her. The beauty is that even if you’re incorrect, she’ll simply tell you otherwise.
- “You’re not from around here.” (if she’s got a different accent, style, or looks like a tourist)
- “You definitely go to MassArt.” (or similar art school if she’s got an artsy style)
- “You’re a very passionate person, aren’t you?”
- “You guys have been friends for a long time, huh?” (based on the way she acts with her friends)
Share a story or an anecdote
It’s personal and let’s her connect with you on an emotional level. You can base it off something she said but it’s not necessary. Jump right into a humorous story and if it engages her, you’re in. The site, The Moth, has some excellent tips for effective storytelling.
- You open with, “Wow, that jacket is fresh, you’ve got a really creative style.” She says, “Oh my god, thanks! I got it recently in Chicago with my friends.” You can respond with, “You were in Chicago? I was there a few months ago at this crazy punk bar…”
- “You won’t believe what just happened to me…” (something funny that occurred earlier)
- “Haha, that reminds me of…”
- “I have to tell someone about this…”
- “That’s just like the time I…”
Once you start with one of the above, she’s going to open up. Listen to her response. Use a hook point from her conversation and work off of it to get past the small talk. If she tells you she’s from the Midwest, bust her chops about being a farm girl. If she tells you she’s studying psychology, share your passion for learning about the human mind.
Remember, the examples above are just guidelines to generate your own ideas. Don’t crowd your brain thinking of exact lines you’re “supposed” to say. Experiment! Say some random silly stuff and go out on a limb. It’s better to do something a little awkward yet genuine than to flawlessly execute a fake routine. If you focus on having a good time, you’ll be more attractive to women anyway.
Most importantly, own your words. Don’t backpedal or apologize for trying to be social. She might be surprised or taken back in those first moments, but if you’re comfortable with whatever you say, she will be, too.
Do you have any funny or interesting stories of a first meeting? Any questions for me? Comment below!